H is clinically depressed. Yet, he will not take his prescribed meds. I am so sick of living with a sick man who will do nothing to help himself. He just keeps stuffing himself with everything he should not eat. I hate the feeling of living with a nasty invalid.
He blames me for every woe in our lives. Yet he has refused to work for more than 10 years. But he blames me for that. He says that it is all my fault that he just gave up. He has made such bad choices and has cost us so dearly. He says his life is a living hell, but he insists on dragging me into it. I can not win. Everything I say or do is wrong. He is mister gloom and doom. Nothing is good and nothing makes him happy.
There is only so much that I can stand. If I get upset, he gets furious at me. I am not supposed to have any feelings. I want my old life back. I want a normal life, my home, my work. I hate this existence and everything it stands for. I am so trapped by his craziness and his needle phobia. I have tried and tried to get him to address this to no avail. I now feel he is using it to manipulate me by being passively agressive and saying that he simply will not take his insulin if he has to do it himself.
If there is anyone young, just starting out on this road, run do not walk from this existence. Save your own life and sanity, especially if he is hell bent on his own destruction.
I have to ask this: if you left for a day or a week, would he really not take his insulin?
ReplyDeleteAlso, you had mentioned Medicare earlier. If he is on that, won't he be eligible for a nurse to come into the home and give him his shots? If I were you, I would investigate that possibility, as it would mean more freedom for you to occasionally get away, as it sounds like you REALLY, REALLY need to! And his problems are NOT your fault.
I am so sorry that things are so bad for you. His manipulation of the whole situation is terrible.
Take care,
Lilly
Check in to what Lilly is advising.
ReplyDeleteFrom the outside looking in, your situation sounds a lot like a battered wife. The abusive husband isolates the wife from everyone and thing but himself. Then he is mean to her (blames her).
I admire how DW has found balance and loves her ill husband and stays with him, but she doesn't seem to take any $hit from him. She has her marriage and her life.
Only the worst kind of man doesn't respect a woman who respects herself. A husband like that does not deserve to have a wife by his side.
I'm working on balance right now in my own marriage...so far so good.
S
Balance is the whole trick to this.
ReplyDeleteHe is not 65 yet so months more of waiting. To get a nurse to do this would be private pay at $$$$$. Plus a doctor would have to order it. He is not eligible for a visiting nurse either. The time of the injections, dinner and bed time make it not feasible to get someone to do them.
His behavior stems from the uncontrolled diabetes and depression. I draw lines in the sand and refuse to take the rage. The problem is living with someone who is clinically depressed affects me. The smaller space, lower income and lack of work compound the problems.
The isolation factor I combat. Our kids are here several times each week. I have a dear couple of friends who are often here also and on the phone daily
Thank God for your kids and friends. Wishing for you that you can somehow get a little more respite from the craziness . . .
ReplyDelete