Glutony

I agreed to go out for lunch with him.  We went to a fish restaurant.  I figured nice healthy meal.  Was I ever wrong!!!!! He pigged out on fried fish and chips, enough to feed the entire third fleet, buckets of ketchup.  He went home rushing to the bathroom in agony.  After a period of about a half hour, he came out and ate string cheese and followed that with pistachio nuts.

I quit.  he thinks he might as well eat anything he wants since his life he feels is ruined and he might as well enjoy himself.  Go fight that logic.

The Facts of Life

As i see it, the following are the facts of life for the wife of a non compliant diabetic:

1.  It is not going to get better. It is only going to get worse.
 2. he is going to get sicker.
  3.  He will be able to do less and less
4.He is not going to wake up one morning and be "nice".
5.   He will never be what he used to be
6.  He will take and not give.
7.  Your relationship with him will evolve from wife to care giver,\ You can not recall the last time you were intimate with him.
8.  This can go on for years.
9.  You may very well die first from stress related illness caused by care giving..
10.  This illness may impoverish you.
11.  You will be subject to possible verbal abuse from his diabetic rages
12. You will lose most not all of your social life.
13. Your world will diminish to the point where you may be trapped at home with no escape.
14.  He will be so self involved that he will just ignore your desires or rage at them.
15.  You may find your home a hostile environment.  I do.  You may lose the home you love.  I did.
16.  Your livilihood and your career may be adversely affected.  Mine was.

I wish I had done something years ago when I was younger, richer and stronger.  I never saw it getting this bad.  As a point in fact.  He raged this morning because I put the dog in his crate so that I did not have to battle the dog to eat my breakfast in peace.   He cares more about the dog than me.





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Hank the horrible

A friend of mine many years ago had a very abusive husband who would yell at her at the top of his lungs.  We were all quite young then.  He was nasty and obnoxious and he also died quite young.  Funny, I have not thought about him in years, but I happened upon an old add for a type of local soda that he drank by the bucket and it brought to mind Hank the horrible.  He died of a multiple of medical problems and i remember his widow saying that she could not stop him from guzzling the soda.  I think he was probably another non-compliant diabetic.

It seems to be a set formula, uncontrolled diabetics become more verbally abusive the more they refuse to take care of themselves.  I know it.  I have seen it, but it is like trying to single handedly stop an alcoholic from drinking.  It will not happen.  They both need to want to stop.

Welcome to our brave new sister who refused to allow herself or her children watch their father die from lack taking care of himself.   My friend lacked that courage and Hank the Horrible has been dead for many years.  You may very well have saved a life.  Strength and courage to you.

Some like It Hot

H is now like the elderly who are always cold.  He refuses air conditioning.  It is in the 90s today.  This morning he would not let me open the sliders and windows.  I was roasting so I went outside for my breakfast and then took my car and went out with the air on full blast.  He is already in bed.  It is 7:52 pm and I am hiding out downstairs enjoying the ac while he has the windows closed and the ac off upstairs.
 He looks like crap and I can tell he feels the same. None the less, I caught him eating tortilla chips !!!!

I Aint No Saint (therefore I must be nutz)

It is a mad mad world at this house.  Or should I say house of diabetes.  H was up all night again and I had it.  I grabbed all the pills and a large glass of water and hand fed him ALL of his medications as prescribed including the pain pills and said you __fill in the explative__ take them or I am not putting up with this any more.  He keeps wailing he is sick and that I want him to die.  Madness.  I told him he is being suicidal by not following doctors' orders and that I will not put up with that one minute more.  He raged.  I stood firm.  He kept trying to sleep on his side with his head flat.  He kept wheezing and the GERD was really bad.  I kept forcing him to elevate his head.  I have told him that he cleans up his act or I do not care any more.

Good news, I have gotten a significant contract in my field with the money I need.  His craziness is not holding me back.

The day After the Night Before

I was up with him a good portion of last night, but he does seem somewhat better this morning.  He is still fighting the meds and taking less than he should.  All night, he kept complaining that it was "serious" and that he was in pain yet refused the pain meds.  He has taken the antibioticand cough syrup  and the cough seems better.

Back From Medical Wonderland

We went to H's doc at a world renowned teaching hospital.  He has aspirated the contents of his stomach due to the GERD caused by his gastroparesis.  He is on heavy duty antibotics for that and had xrays to see if it has caused pneumonia.  His doc heard a lot in his lungs so is treating it as such.  Multi blood tests today and an endoscopy next week since she thinks he has developed an ulcer.  I spilled the beans and told her just what he has been doing or not doing.  She has increased his meds and he will come back to see her in 2 weeks. 

She has told him that we need to get a new bed and elevate his head with cinder blocks under the bed and this will be forever.  Diabetes now will control our bedroom decor forever too. 

Stomach Misery

He is sick as a dog but still refusing to take all his meds as the doctor has ordered.  He is lying about it but I keep catching him.  He was up all night in pain and woke me at 4:30 am.  He has been in bed since 6:45 pm . Tomorrow is his doctor's appointment and I am going with him and telling the doctor exactly what is going on.  I will not allow this to continue.  He is getting sicker and sicker and will not do anything the right way.  He continues to gorge himself and is getting fatter and fatter. 

His depression is getting worse and he almost seems too sick to rage but continues to be nasty.  I will longer go along with his refusal to care for himself.  I will tell all tomorrow.  I will let the chips lay as they may.

Taking Back My Life

I got sick of him always being sick and called his doctor, the gastroenterologist.  he would not call himself so I did it.  I got around Hippa by leaving a message for the doctor to call him.  First the nurse called and in spite of H not wanting to talk, I put it on speaker and said to the nurse we are both here.  Say hi, H and he did.  I told the nurse all the symptoms and she called in a script for him immediately.  Within a half hour the doctor called back and I pulled the same speaker phone ploy and the doctor called in an additional script.

H ranted and raved.  I went and got the medication at the pharmacy and gave it to him 2 pills in hand like giving it to a child.  H hurt his back and I found out that back problems combined with a handful of Motrin that he insisted on taking does nothing for him but inflame his stomach.  He would not listed and call doctor when it happened 2 weeks ago.  I had enough and called.  Glad I did.  H is not taking all the medication prescribed but he at least has taken enough to get some relief and therefor I have gotten some relief from his illness and him

I took off for the vacation home again this weekend and invited some old friends for the weekend.  It was great.  I had pleasant company, good food and H was forced to take his meds to be able to participate in the weekend activities.

Back in the Game

After a great weekend at our vacation home, I came back to new  professional success earning what I am used to earning and have turned the picture around.  I am back in the game and suddenly there are options.  I have hopefully turned an important corner and H, who was up sick last night in much pain from his gastric problems, is at least calm about finances. 

His Nasty Behavior

He refuses to acknowledge that his illness and lack of work and income are putting us in a bad economic state.  With the stock market declining daily and our properties declining daily in value, he blames me and storms off to bed.  At least it is peaceful for me when he retreats to bed.

I am unable to deal with him.  I ask him if he can do better and he just gets angrier., I am watching  my future security go out the window.  We are in a bad situation that is getting worse.

  I am unable to find full time work in my profession.  If I could, I would in a minute.  I am one of the uncounted unemployed since as always self employed, my inability to generate an income  now  is not considered being unemployed.   I am over educated, under employed and too old for this job market.

How many of us with non-compliant diabetic spouses are in the same position?  With diabetes being a raging epidemic, the have to be many.  You read about the cost of the epidemic on the nation, I see it as personal.  With many diseases, a person either gets better or dies.  With this it goes on for years costing spouses, emotionally, physically and financially.  I need to find work yet my life is twisted around his needs and demands and this damn illness.  The costs grow daily as do my losses.  Yet instead of getting it, his response is nasty behavior.

Would I be better staying or going?  I could wind up having to pay for 2 households with less money.  Conceivably I could have to support both him and me since he is disabled and has not worked in so long. if he were to go into some supportive living situation like his older brother, I would have to pay for that too and that costs a bundle.  I know, I am paying for a parent's care out of diminishing funds.  all I know is that I have had enough of his nasty behavior. 

Prisoner of Diabetes?

    It is hotter than blazes, yet he is cold.  He is becoming one of those elderly people who you hear about who refuse air conditioning in the summer and wear long sleeves and long pants despite it being 90 out.  He says he feels like krap, no wonder considering what he eats. He wants the air conditioning off and closes windows.

    His back hurts, no wonder; he is 50 lbs over weight and refuses to exercise.

    He sits home all day, depressed but refuses to take most of his meds.  He spends hours in the bathroom being sick yet refuses to follow his diet or take all of his meds.  He refuses to go out at night

   He has not worked in 10 years and refuses to make any effort to work or keep his skills up to date and blames me saying I took over.  Truth is, I had to when he stopped working.

    His grooming is sloppy and it is a fight to get him to get a haircut.  He would let his teeth rot and he refuses to go to a podiatrist and has bizarre long toenails.

    He refuses to buy new clothes and shoes.  I get them or he wears the same of thread bare rags.

   Diabetes has imprisoned  him but I will not let it do the same to me.