Hope Shines Eternal

I have found that H medical situation is being dealt with by 2 great endos who seem to have pinpointed the problems and responded.  H is calmer with the change in medication but his stomach remains a major issue.  Parathyroid slows the progression of food thru the body and interferes with it moving downward.  We are awaiting today's results and will know better what will happen next and when once we get them.  Meanwhile, the doctors are on top of his situation calling daily or even more often and ordering more testing based on results

Meanwhile, I am back to work  in my own office full time and self employed .  I am generating income and looking to the future.  The plan is to buy a house, any house, once this lease expires.  I want out of this elderly housing.  It was his idea to sell our home , not mine.  He was one month old enough to qualify when we moved in.  I am too young by several years.  Not only do I hate it, but we pay market rates for the privilege of living here. I have taken my life back and intend to return to a normal life.  He can be old before his time.  I am not.

I Spoke too Soon

H is getting sicker again.  His endo called today telling him his parathyroid is out of kilter and he will need surgery.  H freaked.  Rage  returned and now the peace is broken.  H bowel issues are starting again yuck.

Update

H continues to do better but had a set back today.  His hiatal hernia is causing him distress and the gastroparesis has also kicked up a bit.  Yet all in all, he seems to be doing better.  I am keeping my fingers crossed.

Our living situation still rots and is getting worse.  I am looking for a job but do not get reponses.  I think I will omit my degrees from the next application I fill out.

He Is Doing Much Better

the pharmacist and the doctors have managed to nmake some very big chages for H.  he is doing much better.  Thank God.  His visit to endo went well and the gastro was also pleased.  he has lost weight and his A1C improved but the endo increased his insulin since he still has had too many highs.  That seems to have helped even more. 

H wants to go out and do things now.  That is fine with me.   We had a fun day with our kids, their spouses and our grand baby.

i just hope and pray this lasts.

A Little Bit of Hope

He has been calmer, happier and in less pain.  He still is sleeping a lot.  He goes back to the endo on  Wed.  I see an improvement.  Things are not as bad as they were, but he is still far from "normal" whatever "normal" is.  I seem to forget since that was so long ago.  Or, is this the new "normal"?

I Think I am on to Something

I had been noticing that H behavior fluctuated with the meds he is taking as they were being changed.  I am friendly with our druggist and asked him to review H's meds and told him what was going on.  He spotted that one med was a huge dose and suggested halving it.  Another was being taken at the wrong time of day.  We called H's doctor who happened to be on call today and got the ok.  H is less zonked, says he feels better stomach wise, seems calmer and was actually friendly today.  I am waiting with bated breath to see if this continues.  Maybe it is worth a trip to the local pharmacy to check this sort of thing out.

Nothing Makes Him Happy, Anything Can Set Him Off

I can not remember an entire day that he has been happy, not one.  He is upset, angry or worse still raging about something every day.  What a miserable way to live.  If I break down and cry, he does not comfort me, he rages at me to stop crying.  My situation just get more unhappy.

Today saw some financial set backs.  What else is new?  It is almost a  daily occurrence around here.  He had the nerve to call me a loser.  I simply agreed and said that since I am such a loser, he must be a worst one since he has cost us so much and when  was the last time he earned a cent.  He has been nagging me and pushing me to earn more.  He earns nothing.  He is doing somewhat better with his stomach problems but he still lies in bed for hours.  He is there now.

I would advise younger wives to get out asap if they see what my life has become.  Some days I day dream about what it would be like on my own.  Would it be better or worse?  Would I lose more by having to maintain him and me separately.  Can i earn enough to pull it off while I am still losing so much money each month?