Fantasy Land

I am really stressed today.  We are about to move out of this damn place and into a house!  H has decreed that he is too "ill" to help.  I am doing it all with the help of the contractors who are finishing some work to our new home.  I had a painful dental proceedure yesterday and am on strong antibiotics.  I work all day after the dental visit, worked all day today (someone has to support me)  and am packing.

He took to the bed in the only bedroom and you know how bad the only bathroom is.  Yuck.

As of the weekend, three bedrooms and two baths. Yeah. 

Meanwhile, I am beat and to tell the truth, I wish I had a "normal" husband.  He is criticising me and telling me what to do while he does nothing.  I told him so.  Do you ever dream of what it would be like to have a healthy husband.  Mine has been sick for so long, I forget what it is like. 

I lost the last of my parents 2 months ago and now I am moving.  I have very little left thanks to h and the parent's health care costs depleting so much and costing me so much in lack of income and payment for care.  No pension, no disablity insurance, no life insurance, just bills and more bills but I am clawing back.  I need something for me.  It is about time.

More Medical Issues

A doctor this morning though h had a "slight case of congestive heart failure"!!!! I was in another state on business.  Needless to say H panicked and wanted me to call multiple doctors including his cardiologist who saw him earlier this week and  found no such thing.  I refused.  Do it yourself I said.  The blood work was coming back this pm and H decided to wait for it. (Because I refused to be his errand girl?)  The results came back fine.  The questioning doctor called him just after noon and told him so. H was still off the wall. 

He wanted me to call his cardiologist and his pcp  to ask again.  I refused telling him he not to look for trouble since the scare was over.  H was furious and called himself.

A lot of stress today, but I stood firm and will not allow myself to get pushed around.

Calm Waters

After multiple tests, pneumonia, a hospital stay and 3 specialist appointments after the hospitalization, two more specialists' appointments are coming up this week.  H feels better and actually slept through the night last night for the first time for many, many months.  A benign tumor was located on his parathyroid and a decision about surgery will be made soon. 

Several months ago, one of the doctors referred to H as being a very sick man.  I had not even thought of that until she said it.  I think I was in denial which continued for a while after her description of H.  Now I have accepted it. I am now in the position of being married to a man who is chronically ill.  

Back Home

H is finally back home.  He looks and feels a lot better but is still quite weak.  Tomorrow he has  a specialist's appointment and another on Friday.  I can not go tomorrow since I have to be at work.  Friday's I may be able to make.  I like the idea that I am not chained to him every time he has a medical appointment.  Work for me is the great liberator.  We need income, I have to work, and therefore I can not be at every last appointment.  That sure works for me.