He is getting sicker and sicker and with that comes no empathy from him for me. I lost a big contract that I was hoping for today and you know what his reaction was? It sucked. It was "don't be upset, you will make me upset. I can not deal with your depression. You are killing me. You will land me in the hospital. Husband killer."
I lost my last parent in the fall, my husband is a mess and my life is in upheaval because I do not know if I can support us without this contract. The economy and healthcare costs have destroyed our security. But I am not allowed to feel anything about it. His lack of earning ability and his neediness have harmed us too.
He refuses to give himself insulin still and is basically more and more disabled. He is in constant pain and refuses medication. Yet he tells me that I am the cause of his problems.
All I can do is shoulder on. It is all up to me. My profession is overcrowded and ageism does not help.
Being married to him now is so very different and so hard to cope with. It is like being married to a 80 year old invalid. I want my old life and husband back. My life I am fighting for. my husband will never be the same.
I truly understand. I think you have to close your ears and not hear the hurtful words that he says. While they are impossible to ignore, you have to. It's a survival mechanism. Hope you get some relief soon.
ReplyDeleteHow awful
ReplyDeleteif there is one thing we know -- these guys can be such jerks!
is it the sugar?
does it matter any more?
it is true that your only way to survive is to figure out how to ignore his stupid comments
but geez, that is so difficult!
things are going well for me right now and I still want my old life and my old husband back
I guess we don't get to have that
I'm sorry 2011 is ending on such a sour note
maybe 2012 will get just a bit better.
you do have support here....
I tried to comment on your post yesterday and for some reason, the system would not let me post what I wrote - so I'll try again.
ReplyDeleteMy husband is doing many of the same things. He is refusing to take care of himself and he blames a lot of it on me. MY health issues are hammering him into the ground. (They aren't exactly a picnic from this end of things, either, but I don't dare say that.) I have PTSD issues from things that happened long before we met, and for some reason, they are being stirred up now. I don't dare say anything about this because he will view it as just ONE MORE thing he has to contend with. So I am trying to just "soldier on," acting like I haven't a care in the world.
My body hurts, there's weird stuff going on in my head, and I have to act like life is just one big Disneyland. (If I got paid as much as Angelina Jolie for a great performance, maybe it wouldn't hurt so much.)
Hang in there. I think we are all doing the best we can.
So sorry you are going through this. Ignore the comments? I haven't truly found a way to do that. Maybe that's why I'm having such a hard time. It's so very hard to forget all the negative, mean comments that get tossed our way . . .
ReplyDelete